Golden Opportunities

As we see our parents age, the “what ifs” begin to haunt us. What if something happens to them? What if they need constant care? What if they can’t manage their finances? Well, “what if” you could help plan for these “what ifs?” Our next guest is ready to help. Laurie Giles is the author of “What Now? Elder Planning: A Step-by-Step Guide to Navigating Through Your Parents’ Aging Journey.” Laure is also an attorney and certified life coach.

Question:Let's look at these steps. The first one is: Laying the foundation. What do you mean by that?

Answer: This is the step where you need to have that “what if” talk. This is when you talk with your parents and find out what their thoughts are. Of course this is scary, but if you’re compassionate and caring and treat them with respect and not like children, you can hear what they would like to happen if they face a variety of circumstances.
And you want to be sure to have an agenda – a written list of objectives. With all the best planning and intentions, it still will be emotional. The objectives will help you keep focus and help you cover all the when, if, how questions.
Also at this meeting, ideally all the key players/children should be there. If that’s not possible, converse beforehand so no one feels left out or resents being “assigned” a job. You want to determine each person’s role and responsibilities:

• Caregiver
• Liaison – the one who gathers and share information
• Someone who’ll handle medical issues if/when necessary.
• Someone who’ll take on financial issues if/when necessary.

Use logic when dividing – e.g. who lives closest, who’s good with budgets.
This first step is a big one – but it will help make the rest of the journey easier.

Question:The second step is to understand the here and now. Are we talking medical and financial issues?

Answer: Yes – and legal issues. This is where you need to respectfully learn about your parents’ income, assets, liabilities, bank accounts, any lawsuits, who their doctor is, what they may currently getting treated for, etc.
It’s hard to know how to care for someone or help them if you don’t know what’s going on, but these are all personal issues, so, again, respect is essential.

Question:Third is: Establishing needs and wants.

Answer: This is where your parents tell you what kind of care and services they would like and are acceptable to them. This is also where they share their wishes for their final services. And they can also share how they would like personal items distributed that are not expressly listed in their wills.

Question:Saying what they would like and having it carried out aren't always the same thing.

Answer: True. So, step four is: Meeting Needs and Fulfilling Wishes.
To follow through on some of your parents’ wishes, you likely will need power of attorney. To give them the care and services they would like, you have to factor in how – or if it’s even possible - to pay for it – and what other options you might have.
For medical issues, it’s good for them to have a living will and to appoint someone medical power of attorney. In order to meet their wishes to the best of your ability, you have to be appropriately prepared.

Question:And step five is: Putting the paln into action.

Answer: Steps one through four are challenging but, without them, step five is overwhelming.
By having the hard discussions and making the difficult decisions with your parents, actually living the plan, while challenging, has the peace of knowing you are acting in accordance to your parents’ wishes.
Too many of us face steps one through four when we’re already facing step five – something has happened and action needs to be taken immediately.

Question:You discuss all of these steps in greater detail in your book, but what I found that the book is also a workbook.

Answser: Yes. At the back, I have forms to help walk you through each step, including a list of documents you may need – and space to write where they are located, a legal checklist, a place to list medical care personnel and how to contact them.

“What now?” Whether you’re a parent – or a child - it’s a question we all face. Follow the advice Laurie gives in her book “What Now? Elder Planning.” It can make a huge difference. And to find out more, get in touch with Laurie. Her information is next.