Golden Opportunities

We need to talk…about how to talk! Miscommunication can create so many problems in any relationship – so Relationship Coach Kathy Dawson is here to talk us through the top four steps we all need to follow.

Question: Let’s get right to it! What’s the first thing we should do?

Answer: The first step is learning how to set boundaries. You have to be able to feel comfortable enough in a relationship to say “no” and “I’m not comfortable with this.” While we all want to make our spouse, our kids, our family, our friends happy, but if we say “yes” to everything they want, then we lose ourselves. We become a doormat and a people pleaser.
You’ve heard the analogy of the oxygen mask – if an oxygen mask drops, put yours on first so then you can help others. You have to take care of yourself – so you can take care of the ones you love. This isn’t about being selfish.

Question: For step two, you say we need to learn to be accountable.

Answer: Our whole country needs to learn to be accountable! But in a relationship, it is very important to take responsibility when you’ve done something wrong. You need to learn to say “I was wrong” and “I made a mistake” and “will you accept my apology?” and “here’s what I’m willing to do to try to make this right.”
“I’m sorry” is said too often – and without meaning. You need to learn the real language of an apology. And when you do this, you build such trust in your relationship.

Question: What’s step number three?

Answer: This one is very important – have an attitude of gratitude. We all tend to focus on the negative. If someone gives you ten compliments and says one small negative thing, what will you remember? The negative comment! We need to catch our mate, our kids, whoever, doing something right. And I make my clients do this – they have to carry a “notice notebook” with them. They have to write down the things they see their spouse do that are nice and good and kind. I know it sounds kind of corny, but it really helps you focus on the little things your partner does right and the qualities you appreciate in him or her.

Question: And your final step is “learning to ask for what you want.”

Answer: Well, to be honest, there are way more than four steps to good communication, but this is the last one for today!
And step number four - learning to ask for what we want - is a skill most of us don’t have. We think others should know instinctively what we want. Or we’re afraid to ask because we’re afraid of rejection. And oftentimes, when we do ask for what we want, we ask it in a negative way. We say, “stop that” or “please don’t do this….”
I encourage people to ask in a positive way – “I would like you to do _____”. It’s a little thing but it makes a difference.

Question: Thinking the other person can read our mind happens a lot, doesn’t it?

Answer: Absolutely! And even when a person thinks they’ve asked for what they want – like “I would like you to be more romantic” – that still isn’t really telling the person what you specifically want. A better approach would be to say, “Twice a month, I would like you to plan something that surprises me!” You’ve said how often – twice a month. And you’ve said you want to be surprised. This gives your partner a little bit more to go on!

Question: We can all relate to these tips! And, soon, we’ll be hearing more of them! Tell us about your new show!

Answer: Beginning October 2nd, I’ll have a new show, right here on Channel 3 called, “Can You Relate?” We’ll cover all types of relationships – marriages, blended families, in-laws, friends, co-workers – and we’ll do it lots of fun ways!
We have experts who will join us – and I’ll even give a little easy, fun homework each week to help you improve your own relationships!
The show will be on Saturdays at 6:00am – so you can get your weekend off to a great start! And if that’s too early for you, I would encourage you to set your DVR to tape it!

lf you could relate to any of Kathy’s points – or need help in putting them into practice – watch Kathy’s show – and you can also give her a call! She’d love to talk to you – and she’s good at it! Her number’s coming up next.