Golden Opportunities

For the first time, some of us might be facing an empty chair at our holiday table. Can we find some pleasure when we’re missing a loved one? Here with some thoughtful advice on dealing with grief during the holidays is Mark Busch, co-owner of Busch Funeral and Crematory Services.

Question: Grieving is hard every time of the year, but most especially difficult during the holiday season.

Answer: Most bereaved people find holidays, anniversaries and anticipated events to be very difficult, especially difficult during the first few years of their grief. And many feel fresh waves of sadness around special days even years after their loved one’s death.  Special days are all about relationships, and that’s one reason they’re so difficult.

Question: You’ve made a list of some practical steps anyone can take to help face their grief this holiday season. The first on your list is Don’t be blindsided.

Answer: Getting blindsided by a special date makes it even more difficult. Take out your calendar and begin thinking about which days were special. After listing the tough days, write down two or three ways you used to spend the day…and two or three ways you’d like to spend the day this year, and with whom.

Question: Next is a reminder to Stay healthy.

Answer: Most people overeat, delay exercise, and get inadequate rest during the holiday season. Yet grief itself takes a great toll on your body’s physical well being. Get extra rest, drink lots of fluids, don’t overindulge in junk food.

Question: Then is Find a new normal.

Answer: Much as you might want to do everything like the past, grief means finding a “new normal,” and that means deciding which of your traditions you’d like to keep.
If you’ve always entertained the entire family at your place but now lack the energy, suggest having a potluck or dining at a restaurant. Maybe this year you don’t send out holiday cards. You can resume traditions in the future.
Honor your loved one’s memory in some way, perhaps by making a contribution to charity or take flowers to the cemetery.
Don’t forget about younger family members. Ask their opinions on establishing new traditions.

Question: Next is the suggestion to Join a bereavement support group.

Answer: We are not made to grieve alone but to share with others. Bereavement support groups provide great gathering places to exchange ideas and find support. If you haven’t already found a group, ask a friend, your funeral director, a member of the clergy, or a healthcare professional to recommend one.  Or go to www.buschfuneral.com - we have a list.

Question: Finally, Volunteer.

Answer: The pain from special days might be lessened when you find someone else to help. Check your daily newspaper or volunteer center to see where your help may be needed.

The holidays may still be difficult without a loved one, but keep in mind Mark’s suggestions. If you’d like more information, Mark’s offering to send you a new brochure, “Facing Special Days After a Loss.” The booklet has helpful hints on dealing with grief all year round.