Show #358 Airing Sunday, 10/1/06
Aging isn’t easy. Especially for women. Managing the household; caring for your spouse and parent; worrying about your kids: this would be tough for a healthy 30-year-old, and you haven’t seen 30 for years. Don’t let those stresses and strains of aging push you to the breaking point. Here with practical advice on coping with the pressures of life is Mary Beth Husseini, an adult mental health clinical nurse specialist with Akron General Medical Center.
Question:Aging isn't easy. So many of life's changes occur as we start to get older. What are some of the anxieties we commonly face?
Answer: Many losses occur as we age. Death starts to become more believable as being inevitable.
Loss of health is also an issue that faces the aging. It seems to especially affect people who have been very health conscious-dieting and exercising-yet still develop cancer, or get diabetes.
The body is also changing, and people who may have suffered with self-esteem issues in the past may feel affects of this.
You also find people looking at their life plan and wondering if they did everything they were supposed to do. Regrets and "what ifs" start creeping in.
Question: What issues are women particularly susceptible to?
Answer: Women are traditionally the caregivers in the family, so as children grow and may have issues of their own, or as their parents', husband's, or own health starts to fail, women really take on the burden of taking care of the family. That can add to their stress and anxiety, trying to be everything to everybody. Many become convinced something terrible will happen if they let something slide.
Many pressures particularly surround women during the holidays or surrounding family events. They may think that they must continue to cook, or send Christmas cards, or the like, even when they may not be well enough, or may be too stressed, to really do so.
There are fears of abandonment, whether through death or through divorce, especially when being a good wife is a huge part of the woman's self esteem. There are also abandonment issues with children. Many mothers want their children to be independent but also fear that no one will take care of them.
Question:How can we begin to cope with these issues?
Answer: Stay connected in groups; don't be isolated. Join a church or community group, spend time with your family. Like you diversify your investments, diversify your groups of friends. For example, don't spend all your time with a beloved sister. If she moves away or passes away, you won't have a social network to rely upon.
Give yourself permission to cut back, to let go of some of the control. Delegate caregiving tasks, holiday tasks, etc. to your adult children. Get a good night's sleep.
Don't focus on regrets. Look at everything you have accomplished.
Don't be afraid to like yourself. It's not bragging. It's healthy. We sometimes have patients write a narrative about themselves, and many are surprised that they actually like themselves, and would befriend themselves.
Much of this is common sense, but we seem to almost need someone to give us permission to take care of ourselves.
Question:When might it be time to ask for outside help?
Answer: Seek help if someone feels hopeless, helpless, or suicidal. Isolation is a key symptom, as are sleeping and eating disorders.
You may want to start with an appointment with your family physician. Many times they will look at what can be done without additional medication first. Adding medication can be complicated as we are older and already taking other drugs or have other health problems.
If you feel like you are approaching a crisis situation with either depression or anxiety, you can call our Urgent Behavioral Evaluation Team. Getting an appointment with a psychiatrist can take 2-3 months. Our team has physicians who are willing to meet with patients outside of office hours. We can often get you in to see a doctor in a week's time.
Super-wife, super-mom, super-care giver. Now it's time to get some super-quality advice and care to help you cope with aging. Give Akron General a call at the number that's next. My thanks to Mary Beth Husseini.
