Golden Opportunities

Learning that a loved one has Alzheimer’s triggers a whole range of difficult questions and emotions. Now imagine what such news can do to a child when the disease strikes a beloved grandparent. How can we, as adults, help children cope with such a confusing and scary disease? Here to help is Liz Heller, program services coordinator for Arden Courts of Chagrin Falls.

Question: How do you approach children when a grandparent has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease?

Answer: How you approach talking to a child depends most on the kind of relationship the child has with the grandparent and the age of the child.

Question: Let's start with the relationship the child has with a grandparent.

Answer: If the child and grandparent have a long-distance relationship, how much they need to know depends upon how often they see the grandparent, if they talk on the phone with them regularly, etc. For example, you may want to help the child respond to questions and comments they encounter when talking on the phone with the diagnosed.
If the child is close with the grandparent and spends a lot of time with them, more explanation about the disease may be needed and the issue should be dealt with right away. At first, the changes in the grandparent might not be noticeable, but then behaviors of anger and frustration may begin to appear as the diagnosed starts to lose their abilities. These can be scary for a child, so they will need to be explained.
Exactly what the child should be told is dependent on their age.

Question: How much can you tell younger children? What about older children and teens?

Answer: The main focus with younger children is to assuage their fears. Start by explaining that when people get older, all their parts do-their vision, their hearing, their skin wrinkles.and the mind can age too. You can use the word disease to describe Alzheimer's, but make sure the child understands it's not contagious.
Explain that no one is at fault, and that the grandparent can't help the behaviors they are showing. Let the child know that they can stay by you for security if they are frightened.
Most children who have grandparents with Alzheimer's tend to be older/teens. These children are able to have a deeper understanding of the disease and can have more explained to them. You might want to explain to them not to argue with someone who has dementia; that you don't have to correct the person but instead can go along with them (therapeutic fibbing).
Let the children know that what they are feeling is normal and encourage them to ask questions.

Question: What can parents do to keep their children connected to the grandparent during this time?

Answer: There are things a family can do to facility a connection between grandchild and grandparent. This is especially important if the child has had a close relationship with the grandparent, so that they continue to have a connection and continue to create good memories even while the grandparent is declining.
They can create a memory book, a memory box, a journal, or crafts with the grandparent. Another activity many enjoy is going through old photo albums and talking about the people in them. Some of these older memories may linger for the diagnosed, and they can still participate.
Helping with household chores like folding laundry and gardening, and walks can also be a time for the child and grandparent to bond.

Question: I understand Arden Courts of Chagrin Falls is sponsoring a program to go more in depth with this topic.

Answer: Yes, we are holding a seminar on Wednesday, April 26th, called "What's Happening to Grandpa? How to talk to children whose grandparents have Alzheimer's disease." Those who attend the seminar will receive a free copy of Maria Shriver's book, What's Happening to Grandpa. You can call us for more information on this event.

Talk to your children about grandma's disease. Encourage them to ask questions. If you'd like a free information sheet, or to learn more about the seminar at Arden Courts and this free book you can receive by attending, call the number that's next. My thanks to Liz Heller.