Show #319 Airing Sunday, 11/19/05
Most of us eagerly anticipate the holiday season. We look forward to friends, family, and fun. But for those with dementia, and those caring for them, the stresses of the season threaten to overshadow the joy. Here to help bring the holiday spirit to those with memory loss is Kathy Doberstyn, resident services coordinator for Arden Courts of Parma.
Question: The holidays focus in so much on traditions and memories. How can you create a joyful season when someone has dementia? Can you still make them feel involved?
Answer: Yes, if you keep the expectations realistic. Start slow—you can judge how much your loved one can handle. Perhaps they can help with the preparation of food, can set the table, etc.
Involve your loved one in the gift-giving process. Maybe they could wrap the gifts (it doesn’t have to be perfect) or package cookies. Several of our residents go home with their children to help them bake cookies and then come back to hand them out as presents—and this visibly gives them great joy. If you take someone with dementia shopping, however, make sure that you limit their choices (“Would you like to give him a tie or some socks?). Too much choice can prove to be confusing.
Create new traditions. Many people with Alzheimer’s enjoy singing. Song memory stays with them for a long time and can be comforting. Singing or watching a video like “White Chris tmas” that features songs could make a new tradition the individual would enjoy.
Try to maintain as normal a routine as possible during the holidays. Change can be confusing, as can be some decorations. Avoid blinking lights on your Chris tmas tree. The person’s vision is changing, and that can produce a very frightening effect.
Question: What about the day itself? Thanksgiving or Christmas? Any advice so that the day runs smoothly?
Answer: It might be beneficial for the person with dementia to be seated in a room that’s slightly separate from the main activities and quieter, again to avoid confusion. Let a few of the guests in at a time to greet the person.
Make sure you as the host/ess are willing to go with the flow. It’s a family day and doesn’t have to be perfect. Be willing to laugh if things don’t go as planned.
Recognize that your loved one might experience some post-holiday let-down or depression when they have to face an empty house or return to assisted living or a nursing facility at the end of the day. Keep a small present to open with them in the evening before bed. That will put them in a calmer place.
Question: What should you tell other guests who might be coming in from out of town or may not have seen the person with dementia for some time?
Answer: This can be a big issue—if people are coming in from out of town and they haven’t seen the person in some time, consider writing them a letter beforehand. Tell them that you are looking forward to their visit, but feel that they should know what is going on, that the loved one has changed, and describe the changes to them. Let them know that they may not be recognized, that the individual’s behavior might be unpredictable. Make sure they understand that the celebration this year might be a little different.
Encourage them to approach the person with a warm smile and a gentle touch on the shoulder.
Encourage them to adapt their gift-giving to the person with dementia. Tools, instruments, electronics, etc. that the person may have enjoyed before might not be appropriate now. Encourage useful gifts: identification bracelets, easy clothing like jogging pants, audiotapes, videos, photo albums.
Don’t be afraid to suggest useful gifts for yourself as a caregiver—a cleaning service or a gift certificate to a restaurant as a night off.
Question: You mentioned gifts to the caregiver—what about the caregiver? What can they do to ensure they don’t burn out?
Answer: Realize that things are going to be different and be willing to go with the flow. Have a sense of humor if things go “wrong” and be willing to laugh about it.
People often offer to help if needed. This is the time of year to take them up on it.
Literally schedule 30 minutes to yourself each day and one outing per week.
Don’t forget to exercise—you can walk with the person you’re caring for at the mall. It helps release tension.
The holidays may be different when a loved one has dementia. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be meaningful. For more information, you’re invited to join me at a special seminar November 21st at 6 p.m. brought to you by Arden Courts.
