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FUNERAL INFORMATION - Archived
Below, you will find information on the following topics:
For Further information on any of these topics, please contact: Busch Family Funeral Chapels WHAT DO YOU NEED TO PURCHASE FOR A FUNERAL?
Show 155 Air date: 2/3/02 Is your family prepared if you or a loved one should pass away? Would you even know where to begin when planning a funeral? I’ll bet most of you have no idea what’s involved, who to call, what to purchase, and how much to expect to pay. These are important questions to ask NOW rather than later.
Answer: You should begin
looking before the need for a funeral home arises. This should not be a last
minute decision.
Question: Why should you
select before the need occurs?
Answer: Prior selection
allows comparisons of services available, prices, and the professional
staff.
Question: When a death does
occur, what steps does the funeral home make? Answer: When you notify a funeral home of a death, they should offer you 24-hour assistance, 7 days a week. A consultation should be arranged for 24-36 hours after notification. What funeral homes plan in a day and a half is often comparable to the details inherent in planning a wedding.
Answer: Families select funeral homes based on the following criteria:
Question: How should you go
about making the funeral home choice, and choices concerning what you need
to purchase?
Answer: First, you should
visit the prospective home to compare services/staff.
Question: What types of
payment plans are available? Answer: Payment may be secured prior to the day of service with a credit card. Insurance assignments or released estate monies may be used. You can be billed and pay within 21 days. Bank financing arrangements can be made as needed.
For more information:
Show 156 Air date: 2/10/02 Most of us spend lots of time worrying about and planning for taxes. Unfortunately, a funeral is as certain as taxes. Yet most of us never plan for death, and that’s a big mistake.
Answer: The people who DO preplan their funeral
have mentioned several benefits. First, they want to eliminate the emotional
burden to their family that occurs when one has to plan a funeral at the
time of death.
Question: Once these decisions are made, can
you change your mind about specifics?
Answer: Yes, changes can be made. There is no
way for money to be returned before a person’s death, but unused portions of
the contract can be refunded to the person’s estate.
Question: What should you look for when
choosing a funeral home? Answer:
The death of a loved one is difficult under any circumstances, but if decisions are made beforehand, the burden can be somewhat lessened. ---Julie Graf Skinner, Director of Family Services For more information: MEANINGFUL CEREMONIES AND REMEMBRANCE VIDEOS
Show 157 Air date: 2/17/02 When someone we love has passed away, we feel a strong need to keep his or her memory alive. Personalizing the funeral ceremony can help family and friends both grieve and celebrate the life of the deceased.
Answer: The first step, at
least for the funeral home, is to get to know the family and the deceased.
For instance, how did the deceased live his/her life? Any hobbies, great
loves? This can lead to planning a more personalized ceremony.
Answer: A favorite picture,
poem, or verse of Scripture can be printed onto the prayer card.
Funeral guests can be asked to write down a favorite memory of the deceased
on a small card. The cards can then be given to the family as a keepsake or
given to the clergy for him/her to base the eulogy on. Keep items near
and dear to the deceased close at hand. For example, if family was
important, surround the casket with family portraits. An avid golfer could
have his putter placed nearby, a bowler his bowling ball. Answer: At Busch, each family is given the opportunity to create a Memory Board. This is a keepsake for the family. Remembering the deceased is so important to start the healing of the family as they put this board together. The board can have pictures/souvenirs from childhood, the deceased’s wedding, children, important life events, vacations, etc. Basically telling the story of that individual’s life.
Question: Can a video
keepsake be created?
Answer: Yes. We can
edit up to 20-30 family photos together and put them to background music.
The video can be shown at the funeral. This often requires more lead
time and can be part of prearranging your funeral. ---Jim Busch For more information: Show 158 Air date: 2/24/02
These three questions hit the “peace of mind” factors.
They are framed to avoid mismanagement of your loved ones and to show the
ethical standards of the cremation provider. Also, you may want to
consult some literature for more information on cremation and on religious
beliefs concerning it.
Answer: Any services that are available with a
“regular” burial are available with cremation. The only difference is the
disposition of the body. A family can choose visitation and services
with the body present and cremation to follow. Visitation and services
without the body present is possible.
Answer: A traditional earth burial of the urn
is possible. Certain cemeteries may even permit ashes to be buried in an
already existing family grave.
Question: What about
scattering ashes? Is it allowed? Is a permit needed?
Answer: Scattering permits vary across the
country. Public parks often have regulations. When concerning over water,
scattering over Lake Erie is permitted. You can even have a memorial service
on a boat. There are many difficult decisions to make when planning a funeral. It’s important to be aware of all options, such as cremation. Making choices that reflect your loved ones’ values can be part of the celebration of their memory.
---J. Mark Busch For more information: Show 159 Air date: 3/3/02 When someone you love passes away, the grief can be overwhelming and you might not know where to turn. We'll explain why the funeral home might be a useful resource when dealing with your grief.
Question: A lot of people think that the
funeral home’s job is over after the burial, but this isn’t necessarily the
case. What is bereavement care?
Answer: We look at bereavement care as
completing the continuum of care we offer to our families, starting with
caregiver support before the death of a loved one, through the funeral
itself, and then finally bereavement care.
Question: What are some services a funeral home
may offer to their families?
Answer: We provide handouts about grief and
access to a library with books and videos to help one make the adjustment.
As well as support groups that are interactive and educational in nature.
These allow one to share their feelings with others who have experienced a
similar loss.
Question: What do these services typically
cost?
Answer: Many of the items listed are free of
charge, including the handout literature, use of the library, and support
groups.
Question: Can anyone access these services? For
how long after the death of the loved one are these available? Answer: All of our services are open to the community at large. The services are available for as long as an individual needs them.
---Judi Fischer, MACPC, PC For more information: WHAT SHOULD A GOOD CONSUMER LOOK FOR IN A HEADSTONE? Air date: 5/26/02 You put a lot
of thought into buying a car or home, to make sure you get good value, and
to make sure you get what’s right for you. But most of us don’t spend
anywhere near enough time picking the one item that will last longer than
any other – a headstone or monument. Jim Milano, owner of Milano Monuments,
explains how to honor our loved ones by showing some important consumer tips
you’ll want to consider when choosing a tombstone. Question: The death of a loved one is traumatic—how can someone be a good consumer while grieving?
Answer: It’s hard. That’s why we recommend
advanced planning of funeral monuments. When someone dies, there are a lot
of choices to be made quickly. Answer: All reputable monument outfits use the same material. There are different grades of granite (some are clearer than others), but generally all granite is of the same substance. When you go to buy a monument, you are really purchasing a level of service and workmanship.
Answer: Mainly, you have to look for deeper and
wider cuts in the engravings. A company can save time if the engravings are
not as deep—up to 1.5 hours per headstone. Answer: We have the capability to show the consumer exactly what the monument will look like through our computer design presentations. They can look at different fonts (lettering types), colors of granite, etc. We can make changes in front of them, so that they can compare and decide what they like and don’t like. ---Jim Milano For more information: Show 170 Air date: 6/2/02 Mom loves angels, and after she dies she’d like her gravestone to include lots of carved angels. But did you know that the cemetery she chooses may dictate the type of memorial that’s allowed? That’s right. Different cemeteries have different rules, and many times families just don’t know these rules until it’s too late. Jim Milano, owner of Milano Monuments, tells us about a service that can assure your loved ones will be memorialized the way they’d like.
Question: These are hard topics to talk about, but they're real important. I never realized that different cemeteries set different rules in monuments and headstones. Tell us about them.
Answer: There are different requirements. Some cemeteries require the headstone to be flat, which means flush to the ground. Some need to be slanted. Other options the cemeteries may or may not allow include raised, textured, or mausoleums, and they may impose height restrictions.
Question: Are there ever limits or rules on the personalization of the memorial?
Answer: Yes. For example, a religious cemetery (Catholic/Orthodox) may insist that a religious symbol be prominent.
Question: Are rules uniform within a cemetery?
Answer: No - some parts of one cemetery may be different from others
Question: Have you seen families that couldn't' do the memorial of their choosing?
Answer: Yes. I've seen lots of disappointed families that purchased the plot without asking questions.
Question: You offer a unique service. I don't know any other company like yours that offers a cemetery advisory service. Tell us about it.
Answer: We’ll counsel families on cemetery requirements, work with them to make some memorials & cemeteries work together
Question: When should a family use your service? Answer: Before buying the plot. It is important to pre-plan to make sure the memorial you want is allowed.
Don’t make a mistake. Overcome your discomfort and plan ahead, so you can properly memorialize your loved ones. Jim Milano is making a special offer to Golden Opportunities viewers. If you call the number we’ll give, and tell him what cemetery you have in mind, he’ll send you a personalized set of the cemetery’s rules.
---Jim Milano Show 188 Air date: 10/26/02 When a spouse or parent dies, there’s a lot to do. There’s hundreds of loose ends that need to be tied up. How can you find out about them, and how can you handle them easily, without devoting full time for months? Mark Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels, has an answer.
Answer: Yes. Numerous people have to be
notified about the death. But no one wants to spend a lot of time on papers
while their emotional life is overwhelming. Answer: This is an exclusive product called the Aftercare Planner, which gives you options and ideas on how to organize affairs following the death of a loved one. It comes with
an instructional CD-ROM or videotape that can walk you through the contents
of the planner.
Answer: People generally know the basics, like cancel the Social Security and collect the insurance. But this planner contains lots of items that are overlooked or unknown. I made a list of just a few:
Question: And then there are forms to track all these letters?
Answer: Yes. If you don’t get responses, you can follow up.
Question: It sounds as if this planner covers everything. How can our viewers get one?
Answer: They’re
available by calling the number we’ll give at the end of the segment. The
planner costs $265. ---J. Mark Busch For more information: WHEN DEATH OCCURS AWAY FROM HOME Show 189 Air date: 11/2/02 Are you or your parents planning some time away this winter? If so, I hope you have a great time and return safely. But two bad things can happen. First, you’ll miss Golden Opportunities. Second, on a serious note, you or a loved one may die. It’s sure not something we like to think about, but would you know what to do if a loved one died while away from home? Here to give us some pointers is Jim Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Question: Unfortunately,
death never takes a vacation. What should we do if a loved one dies
away from home?
Answer: The first step would
be to contact the funeral home that is the final place of destination. If
the person was a Florida snowbird who wanted to be buried in Cleveland, you
would call the funeral home in Cleveland.
Question: If the person died in Florida, why not contact the funeral home there?
Answer: You want to contact
the funeral home sooner, rather than later.
Answer: The foreign country
must inform the United States embassy. The funeral home will work with
the embassy to secure the required paperwork.
Answer: The body would be
embalmed in Florida (or cremation). It would then be sent on a
commercial jet at bereavement rates. Often the family can travel on the same
flight. A representative of Busch Family Funeral Chapels would then meet you
at the airport.
Answer: You would be
responsible for paying for the embalming air transport (bereavement rate).
But all the paperwork is done by the Cleveland home at no extra cost.
Answer: Yes, for a small
amount of money there is a travel insurance that helps to cover the transfer
fees back to your hometown.
Answer: It simplifies
things. For example, we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to
coordinate by phone what is needed. Also, if you pre-plan your
funeral, you have hopefully chosen a funeral home for the quality of their
service. They can put you in contact with people in the area the death
occurred who are just as qualified. ---James H. Busch For more information: VETERANS BENEFITS AND THE OHIO WESTERN RESERVE NATIONAL CEMETERY Show 190 Air date: 11/9/02 Our country’s veterans have made tremendous sacrifices for our country. As a small token of our appreciation, the country provides some benefits to veterans and their spouses at death. Here to give a salute to veterans and to provide the information they need is Julie Skinner, Director of Family Services for Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: A veteran refers to anyone who served
in our armed forces. They did not have to serve in active duty. If the
veteran’s discharge was honorable, they are eligible for benefits.
Answer: You need a copy of your DD 214, or
discharge papers. It’s a good idea to keep one on file with the funeral home
you have chosen. If you have misplaced your DD 214 form, you can
call the veterans’ office in the county from which you enlisted (if you are
registered with them), or we can help gather the documents from the
Veterans’ Office in St. Louis. It takes about six months to get the form.
Answer:
Question: Where are National Cemeteries?
Answer: There are 100 National Cemeteries
nationwide, and two are located in Ohio. One is near Dayton. The
other, the Ohio Western Reserve National Cemetery, is located in Medina
County near Rittman. It is two years old. This cemetery has 3,000
above ground graves and cremation niches. Question: Does the spouse get a separate grave in a national cemetery?
Answer: No, the veteran and the spouse are buried together.
Question: What if there was more than one spouse?
Answer: Then they receive separate graves.
Answer: No. However, if you are planning on
being buried in a National Cemetery, it’s a good idea to keep a copy of your
discharge papers on file with your funeral home in advance, so that things
go smoothly at death.
Answer: Yes, for
preparation of body and service. Also, a funeral home can help you get your
veterans benefits.
---Julie Graf Skinner For more information: Show 191 Air date: 11/16/02 Remember last year’s terrible news about a Georgia crematory that just stockpiled bodies? It didn’t exactly enhance people’s image of cremation. But just because those folks got burned, or actually didn’t, that doesn’t mean you should overlook cremation as an option. Here to dispel our misconception is Jim Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: Cremation is the process of reducing
the body to bone fragments through the application of intense heat. The
process takes 2 to 3 hours and occurs in a cremation chamber or retort. The
remains are marked with a metal tag for identification.
Question: Most of us don't like to think about death to begin with. Do you find people particularly squeamish about cremation?
Answer: Usually, cremation is simply a personal
preference of the deceased or based on a religious belief. Answer: There are three important questions to ask the funeral home/cremation provider.
Also, you may
want to consult some literature for more information on cremation and on
religious beliefs concerning it, including the Catholic Church and
cremation.
Answer: A metal tag is placed with the body and
stays with the ashes. The family can also ask to watch the cremation.
Question: What types of services/memorials are
available if someone is cremated?
Answer: Any services that are available with a
“regular” burial are available with cremation. The only difference is the
disposition of the body.
Answer: A traditional earth burial of the urn
is possible. Certain cemeteries may even permit ashes to be buried in an
already existing family grave. Question: What about scattering ashes? Is it allowed? Is a permit needed?
Answer: Scattering permits
vary across the country. Public parks often have regulations. When
concerning over water, scattering over Lake Erie is permitted. You can even
have a memorial service on a boat. ---James H. Busch For more information: REMEMBRANCE CENTER RESOURCE BOOKS Show 192 Air date: 11/23/02 Finding a facility, scheduling the caterer, arranging the flowers, speaking with the clergyman, picking the music. It’s a lot of work. No, I’m not talking about planning a wedding. Most people don’t realize how much work goes into arranging a meaningful funeral. Here to share ideas on the choices you have is Mark Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: Yes. We have four locations (Parma,
Lakewood, Avon Lake and Elyria) with Remembrance Centers. These Centers are
created to make pre-planning a funeral as easy as possible.
Answer: First, what kind of gathering or
celebration do you want to commemorate your life? Do you want to have a meal
catered for those attending? There are lists of rooms where a get-together
can be held depending on how many people you expect will attend.
Answer: If you plan ahead for a funeral, you
have the opportunity to pick music that is reflective of YOUR likes, whether
that be bagpipes, a guitar, harp, trumpet, soloists, etc.
Answer: We have a book full
of sample non-traditional or secular services, including poem and music
selection suggestions. In addition, we have a book that
describes all of the major religions—their beliefs about death, a sample
funeral service, and a prayer for the dead. ---J. Mark Busch For more information: DEATH NOTICES AND OBITUARY INFORMATION Show 204 Air date: 2/23/02 There’s an old joke. How do you know you’re getting old? The first section you turn to in the paper isn’t the comics, but the obituaries! In truth, a thoughtfully written death notice or obituary can tell the story of a lifetime. Here to explain how to make sure this story reaches and touches family and friends is Julie Skinner, Director of Family Services for Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: Actually, there are several ways that deaths are listed in local
newspapers. Although there are many newspapers in our viewing area, I’m
going to use the Plain Dealer as an example. Question: How much does an average death notice cost?
Answer: $130/day
Answer: Yes. Typical information includes the deceased’s name, sometimes age,
survivors (spouse/significant other, children, grandchildren, siblings),
emblems (activities, Veterans), and perhaps even where they work. Answer: At Busch Family Funeral Chapels, the website includes:
Question: It seems like there is a lot of details that need to be known about the deceased. How can you accurately remember all of this?
Answer: That’s why having a planning guide is so important. When pre-planning
your funeral, you can fill out information that will help your loved ones to
write your death listings. You can write down the groups, club and organizations you are involved
in, any achievements you have earned, etc. This kind of information is especially important if the paper decides to
write an extended obituary, which usually includes special achievements. ---Julie Skinner For more information: THE STORY OF A LIFETIME: PERSONALIZED MEMORIAL TRIBUTE FOLDERS Show 205 Air date: 3/2/03 Today, reality TV is the rage. People are glued to the television to peer into the lives of complete strangers. Although most of us will never be on TV, we all have a life story that’s meaningful, at least to our friends and family. Here to explain why telling the story of a lifetime is so important when a loved one passes away is Jim Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: Yes. We can personalize a pamphlet
(bi-fold or tri-fold) as a keepsake/memorialization, using photos, favorite
verses, and biographical information to tell the story of one’s life.
It can also work as a “program” for the funeral service, much like people do
for a wedding.
Answer: We can send a professional writer to interview the family. We can take digital pictures of any awards, items of interest For example, we scanned in a business card for one family. Here’s an example of putting a picture of a water color painting the deceased had done on the front of the program.
Answer: We do! For more information: Air date: 3/9/03 We live in the age of cable, satellites, computers, and MTV. So it’s very “21st Century” to remember our loved ones in high tech fashion. Here to talk about the possibility of creating a videotape remembrance is Mark Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: Yes. At Busch we feel that it’s
important to celebrate the story of a loved one’s life at the time they
pass. We’ve already discussed some ways of personalizing a
ceremony—memory boards, tribute folders, balloon/dove/butterfly releases,
etc. Another way to personalize a tribute is to create a remembrance
video about the deceased.
Answer: A montage of photos/previous videos
that we can help the family put together in memory of their loved one.
Question: When could you use this video?
Answer: People play this during visitation or
at the service. It could be sent to a sick relative or someone who
lives far away and cannot attend the funeral. Some people make these
videos after the funeral as a later remembrance.
Answer: Forty-eight hours is needed. Some
people put together the video in the pre-planning stage and take part in
what their own video will look like.
Question: How much does it cost? Answer: The price depends upon the length of the video.
A video keepsake is a new way to share the memories of your loved one’s life. Although we can never relive the past, with today’s technology we can replay meaningful moments. For more information on remembrance videos, give Busch Family Funeral Chapels a call. My thanks to Mark Busch. ---J. Mark Busch For more information: CASKET CORNERS AND CASKET PANELS Show 207 Air date: 3/16/03 A handwritten note means more than a form letter. Personal touches go a long way. That holds true even when planning a funeral. Here to help us think outside of the box when planning a tribute to a loved one is Mark Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: Yes, we’ve talked about a lot of ways to personalize a service, including videos, tribute folders, memory boards, etc. It’s all part of celebrating the life of the loved one who has passed.
Question: Today you’re going to tell us how we can personalize the casket itself.
Answer: Yes. There are a number of ways that we can add personal touches to a casket. First, we can talk about casket corners. These go on the corners of the caskets and can then even be kept as a keepsake for the family.
Question: That picture shows that the lid of
the casket can be personalized as well. Answer: Yes, casket panels can match the casket corners.
Question: Are you limited in what kind of personalization you can have?
Answer: Many of them are religious, as you can
see, or deal with organizations that the deceased belonged to, such as the
Masons, Knights of Columbus, any branch of the military, etc. Question: And you can even have your picture on a panel? Answer: Yes, and we have some examples here. First, a man who was a music lover/professional. There’s a photo of him and a backdrop of musical notes. Second example
is of the woman whose video we saw last week. Here the background of the
panel matches the video, the tribute folder, etc. Everything can be
coordinated.
---Mark Busch For more information: POSITIVE CHOICES ABOUT DRINKING AND DRIVING Show 208 Air date: 3/30/03 Jim Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels, joins us today to talk about teen drinking and driving. Now you might be thinking, this is Golden Opportunities, a show for older folks. Why are we talking about teen drinking? Here’s why. Many of you are parents or grandparents of teenagers, and you want to see them grow up. Jim’s going to tell you how you can help.
Question: We’ve all heard not to drink and drive. Is the message not sinking in with our teenagers?
Answer: It’s a scary statistic. More than 2,000
teens are killed every year in alcohol-related crashes. 30% of teens
report drinking. 45 die per day in alcohol-related deaths. That is why were
are promoting “Positive Choices,” a way in which the family and community
can help get our teenagers to understand the dangers of driving drunk. Question: What is “Positive Choices?” How does it strive to get the message across?
Answer: Students participate in the “Positive
Choices” program by visiting a website:
www.positive-choices.org.
There, they learn the facts and statistics about drinking and driving. Question: But “Positive Choices” is not just for teenagers, is it?
Answer: No. Parents and family members are
encouraged to sign a similar promise online as well. Exploring
this website together gives families an opportunity to talk about the
dangers of drinking and driving and to discuss the positive choices they can
make when confronted with potentially life-threatening decisions.
Prom season is just around the corner. Tell the teenagers
you love about the Positive Choices program. They might even get a head
start on their college tuition!
For more information: BEREAVEMENT CARE - SHARED GRIEF Show 209 Air date: 4/6/03 The death of a loved one can send your life spinning out of control. But help is available to regain your emotional balance. Here to explain is Mark Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Answer: Mourning is difficult but important as an essential part of healing. Immediately following the death, people feel dazed or numb…and this is
normal. It gives you emotions time to catch up with what your mind has told
you about the death. Often, mourners don’t understand that it’s normal to feel a whole range
of emotions, including confusion, disorganization, fear, guilt, or relief.
And many times loss and sadness leaves you very fatigued. People sometimes
feel that caring for yourself equals feeling sorry for yourself. Answer:
Question: What should one expect from a support group?
Answer: Support groups are a safe place to share thoughts and feelings. They are taught by trained, sensitive, and knowledgeable facilitators. They are a way to connect with others who are also adjusting to the
death of a loved one.
Answer: We are involved in a collaboration of bereavement care providers (Shared
Grief) who offer grief support groups around the Cleveland area: east side,
west side and south side. Support groups are starting in the next two weeks. They are free and open to adults regardless of race, nationality and
creed. The support groups are available daytime and evenings for 7 consecutive
weeks (1.5 hours per week). For more information: SHARED GRIEF SUPPORT
GROUPS Air date: 9/7/03 It’s nice to share. We’ve been told that since we were little kids. But when it comes to sharing our feelings, especially about grief, many of us try to hide those feelings inside. Susan Marinac, from Busch Family Funeral Chapels, will explain how sharing can be the best medicine. Question: So people usually allow themselves time to grieve properly after the death of a loved one, right? Answer: Not really. Today’s society is so fast and quick in so many ways that we are prone to think that we should feel better more quickly after the death of a loved one. In actuality, it can take upwards of two years to properly mourn. Many times, those in mourning don’t want to talk to others because they feel that sharing would bring their friends and family down or become burdensome. That’s when support groups can be helpful. Everyone present at the support group is in the same boat. You don’t have to censor your feelings. Question: Many people probably consider support groups, but then don’t end up attending because they are unsure about what to expect. Can you walk us through a typical support group experience? Answer: When you make your first phone call to sign up for a support group, expect to be asked a few simple questions from the facilitator, so he/she can begin to get to know you and your situation. About a week before the first meeting, the facilitator will give you a personal phone call to give you directions, make you feel comfortable, etc. The first session begins with introductions—name, type of loss you have experienced, how recently, etc. If you do not want to speak you don’t have to—you can pass if that makes you feel more comfortable. The session continues with an information class tackling topics such as the stages of grief, normal grief reactions, etc. The session wraps up with more discussion, again completely voluntary in nature. We also provide each participant with a notebook to keep handouts in—we realize that people might be overwhelmed during the session. Question: Why not just talk with friends? Answer: If they haven’t experienced a close personal loss, they may not understand. And they may say something insensitive. Question: How long do support groups run? Answer: The support groups Busch is involved in, Shared Grief, run 7 weeks, and each session in 1.5 hours long. They are sponsored by a collaboration of local hospices and hospitals, and have east side, west side, south side, and central locations. Question: Who is the facilitator?
Answer: A Licensed social
worker. Many hove worked with hospice. Question: Is 7 weeks long enough? Answer: After, there’s a monthly support group that you can attend indefinitely. Question: If a person needs more help, from a doctor or medications, would the facilitator do something?
Answer: Yes. Can suggest you
see a doctor or counselor. Question: Does everyone start a new group together?
Answer: Yes. Can join only
in 1st or 2nd week. Question: How long after a loss should you go to a support group? Are support groups for everyone? Answer: Most people have experienced their loss within the last year. But we put no limit on when people can attend.
Sometimes, multiple losses can take their toll. Your mom
might have died 10 years ago and your dad two years ago. Your best friend
just recently died…and now you’re mourning your mother. These situations can
lead someone to a support group as well. Answer: Yes. We try to show that a person can live and remember at the same time.
For more information:
LIVING WITH LOSS, HEALING WITH HOPE Show 229 Air date: 9/14/03 Losing a loved one can leave you feeling profoundly sad, scared, and very alone. That’s normal. But it’s also true that there are people and resources ready to help you. Here to talk about an event that’s been designed to truly help those who grieve is Dan Rossbach, director of Pastoral Care at MetroHealth Medical Center and Mark Busch, co-owner of Busch Family Funeral Chapels.
Question: After a loved one dies, our friends sometimes say things that are actually hurtful. That's not so unusual?
Answer: No. Your friends want to help, but they often don’t know what to say. Unless they’ve gone through it themselves, they may say something that just makes you hurt more.
Question: What are the wrong things to say, and what are the right ones to help console another?
Answer: Wrong: “I’ll give you
a call next week.” Question: There are lots of ways to express grief. Some are healthy, others are not. Can you tell us what's okay and what we should try to avoid?
Answer: Try crying, talking, remembering a loved one, visiting cemetery. Don’t turn to alcohol, drugs, eating to excess.
Question: Grief can hurt so badly, it may actually affect our ability to work and carry on our lives. How do we know if we're behaving normally, and how do we know we need help?
Answer: Not being able to sleep, lack of concentration, and crying are normal. But if intensity persists months later, get help.
Question: What's the role of pastoral care at a hospital?
Answer: I often deal with situations where one can die or does die. I help people use spiritual resources. We’re the only ones in the hospital whose sole purpose is to be present. Talk. Others in hospital have agenda. We visit with patients and families, and can discuss ethics issues.
Question: Last week we talked about support groups, and how they can help those in grief connect with others in the same situation, and realize that they are not alone. Is there a big need for that in the community?
Answer: Yes. Sitting in a room with other people who have gone through the same type of loss validates the experience for the griever. However, not everyone is comfortable with going to a support group setting, so outreach into the community to offer basic information on bereavement.
Question: One such opportunity is coming up with a national expert on grief, correct?
Answer: Yes, Dr. Earl Grollman will be coming
into town next week. Dr. Grollman is a renowned lecturer and author on
death, dying, and bereavement. Many years ago, he was one of the first
people to write a book on how children grieve, and the book is still
referred to. He’s written 27 books since, with topics focusing on children,
teens, coping with loss, suicide, caregiving, and divorce, among others.
He’s also been involved in helping families cope with national tragedies,
like the Oklahoma City Bombing.
Question: And Rabbi Grollman will be talking to the community?
Answer: He will be part of a free event (sponsored by Busch Family Funeral Chapels and MetroHealth), A Night for the Bereaved, held at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo on Monday, September 22. Hopefully, it’s a convenient and neutral, safe site that will bring back good memories. There will be
a number of agencies present offering information on their services, support
groups, books, videos, literature, and handouts related to loss. The zoo
will also provide animals for entertainment.
Question: And professionals will also have the opportunity to talk to Dr. Grollman?
Answer: On September 23, he’ll be giving a bereavement seminar at MetroHealth for nurses, social workers, psychologists, clergy, funeral directors—anyone who works with people who deal with loss or might have a personal loss. They can receive continuing education credits. Topics will include, “The Inevitable Losses of Life,” “Children Who Mourn,” “Different Death, Different Grief,” and “Caring for the Dying, Caring for Caregivers.” If you’ve suffered a loss, your loss is unique. But you do not have to face it alone. Dr. Grollman’s events can provide a comforting and helping hand. If you’re dealing with a loss, come on out. Call the number that’s next. My thanks to Dan Rossbach and Mark Busch.
For more information: DIGNITY MEMORIAL VETERANS' BENEFITS Show #230 The ongoing conflict in Iraq serves as a daily reminder of the bravery of our veterans. If you or a close family member serves in the military, there may be special benefits available. Here to explain is Julie Skinner from Busch Family Funeral Chapels. Question: Our veterans are all eligible to receive certain benefits at death, but today you are going to talk about some enhanced benefits to a certain group, correct? Answer: Yes, every veteran is eligible for certain death benefits, which we have discussed before. Today we are looking at some enhanced benefits available to members of a VFW post or a VFW Ladies’ Auxiliary (Veterans of Foreign Wars). Question: What do these enhanced benefits include? Answer: 2,500 funeral providers are part of the dignity program. They offer:
Question: Do the benefits extend to other members of the veteran’s family? Answer: The Veteran and spouse are eligible, plus there are “Child and Grandchild Protection” available. Question: How can a vet be made eligible? Can you sign up at the death, or must you be registered beforehand? Answer: You MUST register prior to the time of death. Registration is free. We can help you fill out the form. Question: Is it hard to become a VFW member?
Answer: No. Very easy. $20. We can help you with
that, too.
For more information: Show #231 Air date: 11/2/03 Charlie Brown might say “Good Grief.” But usually grief comes at a real bad time, after a difficult loss. Today I’d like to welcome a nationally known expert, author and speaker on grief, Rabbi and Dr. Earl Grollman. Dr. Grollman’s here from Boston. Question: What is grief? Does it end?
Answer: Grief is an emotion, not a disease. It’s love
that is never ready to say goodbye, part of human suffering we must all
endure. Question: I know that you’ve written books about caregivers, and how they deal with grief. I know that many viewers are either caregivers right now or may have been in the past. Are there any special issues caregivers have concerning grief? Answer: Often times, there’s a sense of relief and thankfulness that the deceased is no longer suffering. This feeling is often followed by feelings of guilt. Besides missing the deceased, caregivers suffer a loss of their routine—an empty space is left. There’s no one to take care of anymore.
It’s important that caregivers give themselves time to
recover—the height of depression usually comes 6 months after the death, not
immediately. At the beginning, friends are often around for support. When
this slowly dissipates, that’s when people really feel the loss. Question: That raises a good point—what SHOULD you do when a friend has lost a loved one? What is a good way to be supportive…and what isn’t? Answer: Saying things like “I know how you feel” or “It was God’s will” are not helpful. Every loss is completely different. Go to the funeral. Say things like “It really must hurt” that can get the grieving person talking about their feelings. Call your friend around the holidays and special occasions. Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who died. A life has ended—not the relationship you have with the loved one. Question: We know that individuals can grieve over death and other losses, but is it fair to say that a nation can grieve? You worked with people after the Oklahoma City bombing, and we’ve been dealing with the events of September 11th for over two years now.
Answer: I do think that there has been a melancholy,
grieving aspect to our country since September 11th. As a nation, we’re
grieving the loss of innocence. We’re not sure of ourselves anymore.
Question: So the nation is grieving for the loss of its innocence. Does that
make it easier or more difficult for those who are grieving a personal loss
in a national event like September 11th? Answer: That really does depend upon the individual person. People used to ask me all the time, “What’s the worst kind of loss?” I used to answer that losses were all different: the loss of a parent was the loss of the past, the loss of a spouse was the loss of the present, and the loss of a child was the loss of the future. Now I really know the answer to that Question: the worst loss is the one that happens to you. Only you understand your relationship to the deceased and how that loss affects your life. My thanks to national expert, Dr. Earl Grollman. Grieving is something you need to work through, not ignore. If you have questions, or need help, Busch Family Funeral Chapels has a wealth of resources that can help you learn about and handle grief. They even have Dr. Grollman’s books. Give them a call.
---Dr. Earl Grollman Grief Expert |